“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law”. -Galatians 5:22-23
Saint Paul gives us this beautiful list of how we can know that the Holy Spirit is present. God always wants to pour out more mercy, graces, and fruits onto us whether we are ready or not. Church tradition adds three more of these fruits for us to ponder: modesty, generosity, and chastity. These twelve fruits may not always be fully present or perfect in us individually, but a way to see how we are progressing in holiness.
Jesus tells us in the parable of the vine and vinedresser that He is the vine, we are the branches, and God is the vinedresser. We cannot bear fruit unless we are connected to the vine, in other words, in relationship with God. It all goes back to how we are in relationship with Our Lord if we can expect to see and experience these fruits of the Holy Spirit. Marriage preparation and entering into this vocation always calls us back to be in right relationship with one another and God. Fostering a relationship with God allows us to be fruitful in ways that we cannot even fathom, which flows over into being fruitful in our relationship with our significant others. Looking at each fruit and how we can live them out in our relationship with God and our spouse allows us to foster them more.
Fruits of the Holy Spirit: LOVE
Charity is the highest form of love, between and for God and neighbor. Christ like love is selfless and wills the highest good of the other. We are called to love our spouses the way Christ loved us: without condition or expecting repayment, serving the other selflessly, and willing to suffer with them and for them.
FRUITS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT: JOY
Joy is the deep, interior delight of knowing and being in relationship with God and others. The existence of God should make us joyful, because of who He is. We can delight and be joyful being in the presence of our spouse just because of who they are, not by what they do. Joy can endure and exist in hardships because it is based on more than just situations, but by existing and being in the relationship itself.
FRUITS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT: PEACE
Peace is the unshakable calm that is rooted in trusting God and that His plan will be fulfilled. It is not affected by situations, but is the solid rock on which our belief stands. When we have inner peace, the struggles within our human relationships are made easier and more hopeful. We can “keep the peace” with our spouse by having confidence that God wants your good as a couple and leaning on the Lord in trials.
FRUITS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT: PATIENCE
Patience is the ability to slow down and not act on our first whim and desire. There is an aspect of endurance that is needed for patience, especially in hard times. We must learn to wait for God to reveal His plan and desire for us, as well as wait for the good things that come in time. During engagement, it is important to be patient in the preparation and not rushing through this season that happens only once. There is enjoyment to be had in the waiting and patience that the Lord has for us. In marriage, we will have to act patiently when learning to be a good partner to our spouse.
FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT: KINDNESS
Kindness is treating others with tenderness, compassion, and quickly forgiving. This also extends to being kind to ourselves. If we struggle to be kind to ourselves, it will be increasingly difficult to extend that kindness to God, your spouse, and others. We can show kindness by speaking uplifting words, extending forgiveness and apologies wholeheartedly and often, and tenderly welcoming intimacy in all its forms.
FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT: GOODNESS
Goodness is acting in ways that are right, just, and pure. There is a level of moral excellence and generosity in actions and words that is a reflection of this fruit. We must act in ways that are appropriate for our state in life and will aid in the path of holiness. We must love what is good and remind ourselves that God is the highest Good. In marriage, we must keep in mind what the end goal is and help one another to work towards it.
FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT: FAITHFULLNESS
Faithfulness is to depend fully on the Lord and being steadfast in this hope. There is a reliability that is displayed when we are faithful to the Lord’s teachings and dependent on Him. Our gaze is turned to Him in all things, which allows us to be filled with His presence. In engagement and marriage we must never forget the third person in the relationship – God. Making God the center of your life and your marriage will provide a strong foundation for all that life will bring. Only God will fulfill your deepest desires and depending on Him will free you from the lie that your spouse is in charge of your happiness.
FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT: GENTLENESS
Gentleness is being humble and meek, just as Jesus reminds us that He is in Matthew 11. It allows us to control our strength as well as acting tenderly towards ourselves and one another. We are not called to be strong and tough all the time, gentleness is a great gift to extend. You can be gentle through our words, tone of voice, intention, and thoughtfulness towards your spouse.
FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT: SELF-CONTROL
Self control is the mastering of your desires, feelings, and actions to always be serving God and not oneself. We must be aware of ourselves if we are to control ourselves and believe that our mind can have mastery over our bodies. When we are in control we can choose God and His will, instead of our often selfish and disordered desires. Life quickly gets busy and we must exercise self control in order to love and serve God, our spouse, our family, and others in that order and to do it well.
FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT: MODESTY
Modesty is the humility and belief that any and all gifts are from God. Another aspect of modesty is being content with what we are given and exercising temperance, not focusing on the excess or defect. Modesty is more about wearing appropriate clothes, it is clothing the heart in thankfulness for what we have and allowing our actions and speech to reflect that. In marriage there are times when you do not have much, materially or spiritually, but thankfulness should prevail in your identity as a child of God and upholding the dignity of your spouse.
FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT: GENEROSITY
Generosity allows us to act in divine abundance, rather than scarcity. It is a way of being that allows our cup to always be overflowing and given to others, as Christ fills us and allows us to give of ourselves. We are all granted gifts and graces that only we are able to share with the world, especially with our spouse. The gift of marriage brings out a special and unique opportunity to be incredibly generous with our spouse. We are called to be generous with our spouse using our time, attention, talents, resources, and more.
FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT: CHASTITY
Chastity is the correct integration of our sexuality, both body and spirit. God created us with our sexuality as an image of His fruitful and creative love. We must learn how to rightly order it and control it according to our state in life to honor God, ourselves, and others. Chastity is tied to our desires as well as our senses, we must be aware of what we are doing with our bodies and its effect on our desires, beliefs, and actions. In marriage, chastity allows us to love our spouses in a variety of ways and keep their dignity in mind first before our desires.
Fruitfulness breeds fruitfulness. The more that we lean into the fruits of the Spirit that come easily to us, the easier other fruits will be born. When we are loving, we can then be more joyful. When we are patient, we can then be more chaste. May we cultivate our relationships so that we stay connected to the vine, bearing the fruit which God so dearly wants to produce in our lives and marriages.
Happy Pentecost friends, may the Holy Spirit form you into the man or woman God is calling you to be!
All photography by Nikayla & Co.
